unzip me to find that my insides are fragranced dioxazine purple and yellow ocher. my complexion turned porcelain as my sun kisses fade, traced with the smoke of cooler cities sunken into my skin.
our words spilt into the recycled air over scratched compact discs: memory music we all reasoned listening. blue eyes reflecting in my rearview; a gaze perpetuated over an intimate and casual secret. nothing awkward, we all want more.
this cold air pirouetting in my lungs is me breathing for the first time. my goosebuds and tastebumps love peppermint chocolate and shivers all the same. and i am surprisingly unfazed. i am alone but very not lonely. and these glorious feels on my skin make my heart warm.
tomorrow and for the rest of these days, it feels good to be free.
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
part of me already knows, and i'm too scared to believe, because it's not where i'm headed, or whom i'm heading somewhere with.
someday i'll be reading that. and it's quite the double standard that i am the one lacking so much patience.
on the way home from savannah, my skin feels were bubbles of anxiety until i stopped and yelled, then laughed at the fact that my voice finally stretched over the whirs of ninety five and the murmurs of my heart. catharsis.
pues estoy convencido de que ni la muerte ni la vida, ni los ángeles ni los demonios, ni lo presente ni lo por venir, ni los poderes, ni lo alto ni lo profundo, ni cosa alguna en toda la creación, podrá apartarnos del amor que Dios nos ha manifestado en Cristo Jesús nuestro Señor.
i once met a man and asked him if it were true that when you get older, you become wiser. he said that the only answer was to get older. looking back to when i was a kid, i realize that my ignorance was a virtue. i saw the world in colors and shapes. now my nerves keep me awake at night. i think about the future and what i want to do with my life. i asked that same man if he had any advice for me. he told me to quit living and start breathing. "look around at the life you lead. listen to the wind and the trees. take time to smell the ocean breeze and sleep on the beach." he said that the beauty of this world was in its complexity and that our lives for the most part are ordinary. he told me to never stop painting, but mostly, never stop creating. "you're as free as your mind will let you be. so, what's holding you back?" he asked, "fear or laziness??"
yesterday i was both a child and an adult.
i stretched my fingertips to the sunshine and learned to open and extend all my womanly curves and to push and pull against another human form. i love yoga. i swayed and rocked and soaked in the wake and waves in my kayak. i got kissed by the sun. i swung on the swings and closed my eyes and i was back in elementary school, swinging through the warm crowded noisy air. i drank. i danced. i twirled. i met, spoke, and was flattered. above all, i felt so incredibly independent. i am becoming okay in all this change. becoming. my life currently stares at a reflection so extraordinarily opposite of what it saw six months ago. a year ago even, when my honest happiness was found somewhere now obsolete. i am diving into my convictions. i am learning to let go. and here is my process, my path, my catharsis. so it goes.